baby face terrorist

2008-12-09T01:08:00.002+08:00

Thoughts and Dreams

Had a weird dream the other day, about some transformer looking thing attacking and destroying stuff all over the place. it was actually a damn cool dream, almost like the movie, but then i saw your face in it. Not in the transformer's face, but rather, you were there as well. And that was the weird part of it. I mean, of all people, it was you and ya, even when i woke up, it just seemed damn strange. A very random dream indeed.

Maybe its cause i, along with other unnamed sources, feel that you can do much better than what you have right now or as i should put it, who you have right now. Just 1 friend's 2cents worth. Obviously it doesn't matter what we think, but ya that thought coupled with the dream just made me wanna put it here.

2008-11-02T20:16:00.003+08:00

How did we end up here?

Was reading sep's blog the other day about her dad treating her mom and her for her 20th b'day and what it meant to her. Got me thinking about my own family. Honestly speaking, its been ages since we ever had anything fun to do as a whole family. I can only remember the times when i was 6 or 7 that my dad brought my mum out and they had a good time. Now, its fucking war zone at home. Coming home to verbal and physical arguments is not the way to bond a family and its no wonder that my mum wonders what happened to the 4 of us.

All i can say is that it definitely makes you think whether having a family is worth it 20 years from now or something. What if you and your spouse start arguing infront of your kids, what kind of impact does that have on them? i know my parents don't think about that, maybe its not their fault, after all it was an arranged marriage between 2 people who were in the 30's. Maybe they had things they wanted to do and marriage shoved those dreams aside and now they feel the regret. Maybe they had other people in mind and were forced to forget them. There are alot of maybes, but the cold hard truth is whatever that's infront of you. Cant wait for the NS, where i have to stay in camp. Only need to see them on weekends then.

Its not that i don't like my folks. I do, but i don't love them. I have respect for what they have done so far, but that's all. Only respect, no filialness. Pretty sad if you think about it, but i realise that there are others who are in similar or even worse positions but as they said in OB, your family does have a part to play in your personality and so, for better or worse, who i am is related to the shit that happens at home. And that's not an encouraging thought.

2008-10-16T21:36:00.003+08:00

bored off my socks

no work, no license, no nothing

any moment gonna cough my guts out

bright spot? match on sat! Blackjack's back in action

sooooo bored, i decided to tidy this stupid webpage

god help us all, amen

2008-09-06T15:38:00.002+08:00

After a lame week of hols, the last 3 days was certainly fully packed.

Wed & Thurs - IG camp, where only Sam,Nick and me turned up for CCM. although Sam left halfway. But we joined up with BSG IG, they were all year ones. Surprisingly, nick and i managed to click with those guys. Stayed up the whole night playing cards and going for walks and stuff. Most probably having chalet with them sometime next week if I'm not wrong. Supposed to be a screwed up camp, but surprisingly went well. Of cause, it would have been better had CCM IG all turned up, but oh wells.

Fri - Having slept for 15hours since i returned from camp, i followed my cousin to Boon Lay to play soccer at 11pm till around 2am. He and his friends, decent bunch of guys and playing with them was quite cool. Laughing our asses off cause of the retarded things we tried to do while playing and also cause they all grew up together so they got funny nicknames for each other and it was hilarious to hear them all. After that, my cousin dropped me off at Farrer Park where i finally met up with the boys. After so fucking long ah. Drank abit and went to eat nasi lemak at freaking 4am ah. Haha. Back to our usual nonsense ways again sia.

Tomorrow theres steamboat at Randall's place and also possibly a match with tat's team. So after a week of lazing around, theres finally things to do. Haha. Oh oh, finally yesterday had a decent messaging conversation with her. Damn. Unfortunately i was paying soccer when she replied and it seemed too late to continue with the conversation at 2am. But definitely feels good ah. Lol

2008-08-31T01:23:00.002+08:00

Well, it has certainly been awhile. Whats been new?

1) a brand new laptop (hell yea!!!) a new lenovo one which has better battery life and more functions. although i ain't too pleased with the fact that its a Vista system and not an XP one. just more of an XP user.

2) been hitting the gym to get some sort of shape going. haha. its actually been a good workout. now all i need is the motivation to go down for a jog, that's all that's missing right now.

Just had another BlackJack match earlier. Not the best pre match start for us,with only 10 players turning up, but the ref managed to conjure 3 mats to join us. hahaha. Anyway,we played reasonably well. lost 4-3,but with the team we put out, we could have pinched it in the end, so I'd say a performance that deserved a better scoreline. haha. But as the boys would put it, "a thrillling game la". LOL. We went down 1 nil inside 10mins, then came back to lead 2-1, let them equalise and went into the break at 2-2. Second half, we shuffled around on the positions since we didn't have that many subs and we went down 3-2 before coming back to 3-3 and then we let them go 4-3 and after that, both sides missed some pretty good chances. Overall, it was worth every cent of the 7bucks we had to pay for the ref and field.

Anyway, the job outlook looks pretty much boring, don't really feel like working although I'd be lying if i said i didn't need the cash. But then,past couple of weeks,i haven't felt like smoking so maybe if can cut expenses there, then the finances will work out. Its been pretty boring stuck at home cause the boys still have exams and so cant meet as often. Drivings' only once a week to save money and other than that, there isn't much to do. Maybe i should take a page out of Randall's book and start cleaning the house. haha. My dad might actually give me some money for that. hahaha

Looking forward to the 3rd when i can see her again. Letting time take its course to see how exactly i feel about her,not rushing anymore. Not in a race or competition so i can take my time and see what pans out. But i still wanna ask her out though. LOL hahaha.

2008-08-14T19:01:00.007+08:00

Well, to say it has been a fucked up week, wouldn't be an understatement.

1) failed driving cause of some reckless motorbike who was driving on the wrong side of the road.

2) getting to know that despite me thinking I've improved in the kitchen, i am in the bottom 10 of the cohort.

3) getting scolded for things which weren't my fault but because i just happen to be there.

What more can happen? Haha, i dare not ask man. Seems like the answer to no.1 is of cause retake driving and do it well this time. That's taken care of, test date's Oct 14. Answer to no. 2 isn't that simple. Commis Challenge and theory test are my only remaining hope there, came out of Wilson's mouth. As for no.3, well that's just plain dumb unluckiness.

So things aren't that bad right? It shouldn't seem bad, i mean i have the answers to the problems so it should be straightforward. But its not always the case. I have to summon the inner willpower to force changes in me, before things can get better. All i can think of is, "there goes the 3 point something GPA man". 1 year of working hard and it all goes down the drain. Well, not yet of cause. Maybe overall i might pull off a C+ grade. If i am lucky and i work hard for it. Don't know since when i was this concerned with grades. Maybe its the people around me, always concerned about marks and shit. God i can't wait for the hols.

Excellent lyrics by 3 Doors Down
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
But, it's not my time

Anyway, today we talked for abit. Maybe curriculum time isn't the best time to gauge a response, cause after school hours, she seemed that much more nicer. Who knows man. Just going with the flow :)

2008-08-12T09:59:00.002+08:00

Well, not in school today. Have my driving test later so am sitting at home in anticipation of that. I really hope i will pass first time man, spent so much money already on it.

Decided to switch blog skins cause well i got bored with the old one, not very me. So was looking around and found this. I found a Heath Ledger Joker blog skin, but the background colour wasn't very nice so Batman it is. Haha. Although this one's from the earlier movie, not the Dark Knight.

Anyways, yst after driving prac, my instructor got the sudden case of randomness and treated me to the movie "Money not enough 2". Hahaha. Just like that, after driving, went to J8, bought tickets and we sat down to watch. Luckily, we had separate seats, far far away from each other cause its weird enough an Indian guy went to watch a Chinese movie, but its even weirder that he went to watch with an old Chinese guy!! LOL. I can imagine BJ's taunts when she finds out about this. That one cannot resist insulting me once a day, if not her head will blow up. Haha.

And i really feel like I've blown my chance already. Looks have become stares and in a very "what the fuck you want" kind of tone. Oh wells. Story of my life.

when you look me in the eyes

2008-08-02T14:14:00.002+08:00

Been wanting to blog all week, but keep forgetting. Well, last week, finally managed to play in a proper match again. Pong was back from china and he said that Blackjack was having a friendly. So i went down after my driving and arrived with about 10mins left in the first half. I barely changed into my boots when the captain calls me to warm up, even though we have a few subs sitting around. 2nd half, he replaces himself with me and tells me to go "control the game". Woah, first time sia. Felt damn good ah, so went in, lasted the whole game and even laid on an assist to the new striker. All in all, was a fantastic half for me and even more so cause we won the game. Got the bug again already. Wanna get fit and be able to play the whole game next time around. Asking sep if tat's team needs anymore players cause Blackjack doesn't look like its gonna be playing every week, but i got the urge ah. Haha.

Drivings coming along, feeling pretty good about it. Its in freaking 10days time ah!! I wanna pass first time sia, think that a car might be on the way but nothings confirmed yet. haha.

And i still cant seem to make up my mind, still stuck and dont know to go left or right. Both are extreme choices if u really think about it. One's very different from the other. Maybe time will unveil the answer.

You keep on running in and out of my mind

2008-07-20T02:19:00.004+08:00

All this while, i acted according to you're whims and desires. Dropped things at an instance when i thought u needed help. U didn't ask of cause, but just me, trying hard to get something that wasn't there. Joined in even though it wasn't my place. But now, I'm just tired. Too tired to do anything.

I cant help but get the feeling of being used. When they aren't free, u come around and pretend that u want my presence. But once they say they are available, off u go in the wind, without as much as a goodbye. One of u even said that they wont get in the way, but it looks like I'm in the way now. But i wont withdraw suddenly. I'll just play this stupid game, the way u do and play it well. And when one day when u want to me, I'll just say "too bad, i ain't gonna be there". I'll just walk away before i let history repeat itself.

i dont know how you carved your way in

2008-07-14T20:59:00.004+08:00

Now i know why pk always switches her blogs. Its so frustrating wanting to say something and not being able to cause of people reading. She has lots of mystery readers, i don't. But yet i can't even be open on my own blog. Pathetic. Things to talk about but no where to write it. No one to tell as well.

I just love Timbaland's song, "The Way I Are". So perfect for guys ah.

Imagine the guy says this :

I ain't got no money
I ain't got no car to take you on a date
I can't even buy you flowers
But together we be the perfect soulmates

I ain't got no VISA
I ain't got no Red American Express
We can't go nowhere exotic
It don't matter 'cause I'm the one that loves you best

Then the girl replies :

Oh, baby, it's alright now, you ain't gotta flaunt for me
If we go touch, you can still touch my love, it's free
We can work without the perks just you and me
Thug it out til we get it right

Just two people in love, nothing more the guy can give and nothing less the girl can receive. Just the thought is awesome.

2008-06-28T20:29:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was this dinner at Sha Villa Hotel’s Rosette Restaurant. It was prepared by the Singapore Chef Olympics Team. Chef Jason is part of the team and Chef Jasmine is team manager or some shit. So anyway, CCM peeps were given the chance to come down for it, at 20bucks + + +, it seemed worth it for fine dining. So we went and I got to say, the dinner was pretty good. But apparently to Chefs Dieter, Ken and Marc, it wasn’t flowing and that they were pretty disappointed with what they had. But I thought it was actually quite good ah. The dessert was pretty awesome, warm chocolate with cold lemon moussiline. Very interesting. But then, it was my first time out at like fine dining, so everything seemed good. Haha.

The saying that three’s a crowd never sounded truer. More so, it never felt truer. But then, it works else where, so maybe there’s something wrong here. Who cares man? People drift all the time. That right there maybe the biggest problem with me, too lazy to change or adapt. I like things the way they are. Too lazy to change when things go bad and all I do is just sit around and bitch and moan.

Anyway, moving on, they weren’t what I thought they were. In fact, I got pretty irritated with them, what in the world was I thinking of in the first place. Haha. Thank god I saw all of that first. Now it’s just a straight shootout, but I can’t make up my mind for nuts. Both aren’t safe choices, but at least one’s more familiar than the other. This is bullshit balls, nothing’s ever easy. But somewhere along the way, I have to get lucky right? I mean no guy can be this unlucky for so long? No clue balls.

Looking into those eyes just for a second,
is what the whole day is about

2008-06-22T21:55:00.003+08:00

Argh damn, the hols are now over. Really over, no more public or school hols till august when school closes. Man, these past 2 weeks were fucking fun balls.

1st week, my folks weren't in town so just drank, smoked and invited people over like no body's business. Then 2nd week when they came back, it had to die down. But still, with the boys, theres always some other plan being put together. So we practically ended up at shaik's place every other day and stayed over to watch Euro and play CS and Winning 11. We even convinced the idiot that i had a license and he let me drive his dad's car around in the middle of the night, just before the Italy-France game. Haha, freaking hilarious. Then yst, we went back to watch the Holland-Russia game and since there was 5 of us, we switched between CS and Winning 11 all night till the game started. Then in the early morning, we played abit of 1 on 1 CS before watching Joey and falling asleep. Woke up at 2, took the car out again, went to play soccer. For the first time, we didn't feel like playing and so we chao early n drove all the way to Al Ahmeen, near Ngee Ann Poly there, but since no parking, we came all the way back to Beach Road there to eat, before they dropped me off at Novena. Edwin was driving this time since he officially has a license already. Haha. It was just so fucking fun balls. Every hols, we always meet up but this hols got shaik and his dad's car, so everything was just awesome. LOL. Cant wait for the next one man. Just about 10weeks to go. Hopefully by then, i also got my license already, its 7 weeks till D-day.

Also met up with my cuz over the weekend. She just amazes me all the time. She had been beaten up by her bf or as i should say, ex-bf, the day before and as she was retelling me the story, she asked me to touch her face and neck. Fuck man, there was bumps and bruises everywhere ah. The bastard should really go die sia. But for her, she'd just go get another bf by this week and then that will probably end in misery as well. She just wants to have short term pleasure, once the shit starts flying, she runs again. I pity her, but of the all the relatives, she's the only i talk to so i help her put wherever can ah. Only prob is that that kuku always changes her number and doesnt remember to tell me, so i can never contact her half the time. Oh wells.

Everytime you see me, what do you see?
I feel like i'm a poor man and you're the queen

2008-06-14T23:41:00.003+08:00

Well, its been a week since the hols started and its been a week since my folks left for a holiday and i got the house to myself. As expected, i ran riot and have been drinking every odd day since they left. But its not like emo drinking, but meeting up with the boys and just having fun. Haha. Yesterday we were at shaik's house, watching the Holland game and it was fucking hilarious, all of us old st gabs guys and muks, played "7-up" with water, played winning 11 on PS2, CS and god knows what other games. The hols is the perfect time for all of us to meet up and just chill like this. Thonning over at each others houses and drinking. Well, all that's gotta come to an end because this time tomorrow, the folks will be back and so much for enjoying the hols man. Somehow, i can just see myself living by myself, away from my folks and having an awesome time. I mean, i did wash my own clothes, water the plants blah blah blah, so i know i can live on my own. Maybe having a roommie would be fun, just like that jap show pk has me watching now, although that's more like a group of 4 sharing an apartment. But whatevers the case, living on my own seems appealing. But of cause in this world, cash would be the biggest difficulty. So no point mulling over this.

Pretty much doing nothing nowadays. Other than drinking and smoking that is. Not so healthy i know, but i am playing soccer every other week and will try going gymming for the 2nd week of the hols but its like theres no other care in the world for me anymore, although theres still BOE proposal to do. Couldn't be bothered about school, people or anything. Just drink, smoke and watch Euro 2008!! haha. Everyone is near, but yet so far away. Thats the spot on feeling man. The ever prominent feeling of being isolated and alone even though the world we live in is getting smaller and smaller and more crowded.

i want you to notice when i'm not around

2008-06-04T19:35:00.003+08:00

Finally managed to catch the latest episodes of House and boy was it a sad one. 2part episode where house is involved in a bus accident and he cant remember how he got there. But as the episode develops, his subconscience keeps telling him that somebody else is seriously hurt from that accident. Turns out to be his best and only friend's girlfriend that was on the bus with him,cause house went drinking and couldn't drive home and so the best friend's girlfriend came to pick him up cause the best friend was busy. In the end, they couldn't save her, even though they knew what killing her( it wasn't internal injuries, but some disease that spread throughout her body as her kidneys failed).

But the way they showed how house remembered what happened was damn cool. Cause he had a cracked skull, he forgot what happened, so he had to resort to jump starting his memory with electricity, a process which could have killed him. Especially love the line where house asked his best friend, "you want me to risk my life to save hers?" and when the friend said yes, he went along with it, even though he was a self centered person throughout the series. Then at the end,when the friend found out the whole truth, can see that he blamed house for causing the girlfriend's death, cause if house wasn't drinking,then the girl wouldn't be there and she wouldn't have died. It was a interesting move to script it that way because house's only friend in the whole series is that guy and now he's pissed with house. So, can see that they're trying to make house seem more human and actually feel other peoples' emotions, but it makes him less awe inspiring because house always seem to not care what people think, but believed in his own judgement . He wasn't like everyone else, but maybe now they'll make him seem more normal, which to me is kinda sad. Cause what made house stand out so much was his eccentricity and uniqueness. Maybe the series is drawing to a close, so they're making him less interesting, who knows with these Hollywood people. Haha. But i don't think there'll ever be a drama as good as this anymore man. Unique, brilliant and very interesting.

Today, didn't get sent home, but getting tired of hearing the stupid words "you are too slow/blur". Just cause i think through what i do before i do it, doesn't make a retard. But apparently F&B industry isn't like that or at least the people I've met aren't like that. But cant be bothered. Not gonna be a chef, that's for sure. Catering was what tempted me, and that's whats still tempting me. Definitely feel that vomiting out everything here makes me feel much better. Morale on the up and up, just gotta think positively, like how i did the whole damn year.

i could stay lost in this moment forever

2008-06-03T22:06:00.002+08:00

Well, the misery continues. Haha. 2ND day of the week and 2ND time being sent home. Yesterday chef PMS i think, so sent si hao,wei lai, sunny and me home for being late for class after break (it was only 10mins ah!!!) Today, ms wilson PMS that we didn't print notes, so she practically send the whole course home. Fucking dumb, but what can we do, just gotta shut up and "obey the authorities". Sometimes these people create rules without thinking i think, some of them are just plain weird.

I have this weird feeling, that deep down inside, the reason i can't stand it is because although i came to terms with it, i never forgave nor did i forget. That's why now, i no longer want to be around. Somehow, no matter how much people can say i am a nice guy or whatever, i still cant forgive for what i went through and so, now i just walk away from it. Being away allows you to live your own life and let me be pissed with you for however long it take and no,i am not talking about the jackass who stole my ipod here. It was one of the worst experiences and now,i always have that in my mind whenever i see you and thats why i don't want to be close anymore. Cause theres somethings i never forgive. Just the way i am, i don't hate you for it,just can't forgive you. Maybe someday i can explain. Took me long enough to realise it, probably will take longer to forgive. Thats life i suppose, never a bed of roses. Haha.

Sep lent her old ipod, so listening to some good stuff nowadays. Have to say that music really lifts the spirit. Being sent home yesterday would normally have been very scary and pissing off, but at least i had the ipod and couldn't be bothered whether i was home or in school. Somehow, the bass thumping and the drums smashing just calms me down. Its like i was born to listen to this, maybe it was in the genes (my granddad was supposed to have been a bassist). Anything and everything sounds good now, SUM 41 to U2 to Creed. They're all equally good in my ears now. Spirit's been uplifted, morale more or less around normal, just some other stuff to take care of.

every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure

2008-05-29T21:01:00.002+08:00

It certainly has been a fucked up week to say the least. Probably the worst week of the year. Lost my ipod and cap, then no longer feel the same but today's Apel lesson was really something useful.

We were talking about support systems and i know for a fact that my family isn't one because everyone already judges me and when u need help, you don't wanna find people who judge you. I think of friends and i realise that after pong left for china, i never really found anyone i could trust to tell everything. He and me, we would play soccer then go eat and talk about stuff, but now, i don't feel comfortable telling people shit, cause most just misplace your trust. Friends i was close with, no longer feel that way. Its like I'm going left and they right. People i would have done anything for, i no longer feel anything in the friendships. Strangely, i couldn't be bothered by it. A few months ago, i definitely would have been,but now, its like I'm sick of society and everyone. Can't be bothereed because i know my "friends" like forget about me for most of the time and only come around when they have noone.

Without my ipod for the last couple of days, I've been thinking alot more on the bus and stuff and i realised way back from pri sch, i was always abit more mature than normal and that always made me be alone. But a year in CJ and all that popularity thingy got to me and even in TP, some times i dont behave like my true self, one that when my "friends" see, they definitely will not recognise/like. Yet, i am no longer bothered by whether they are there or not. I guess for a guy, i am in touch with my emotions more than the rest. Call it being me emo and whatever, but like Mr Goh said, its only macho bullshit that makes you behave worse. Now i wanna be like my pri sch and sec sch self. I don't care if that means living like an anti social, but at least i think that knot in my chest will be gone. But i know myself, i still want some social interaction, so i cannot really be me.

Its funny how losing an ipod can stir up such thoughts, but it was a part of me, just like my cap. Some asshole took them and also, the most treasured gift i got for my b'day this year. Getting a new one wont replace the feeling, cause it was something special to me. I guess people just don't get the way i think. And that makes it harder to trust people, cause if there isn't at least one person who can understand you, then whats the point in confiding, even if they don't judge you?? To me, it doesn't make sense.

2008-05-20T19:42:00.000+08:00

I'd rather waste my time pretending,
than having to forget you even for a minute
A quiet evening with you, nothing can beat that
Just the two of us, noone else
But i know it'll never happen,
although i dream about it
Can we be more than this?
Only you can answer that.

2008-05-18T09:17:00.002+08:00

Friday went over to mike's place with the others to have a BBQ to celebrate Randall's birthday. It was cool and all, but i kinda didn't really wanna be there cause its been 2 weeks in a row now that pi have ditched my friends on Friday nights and we kinda made a pact that we would meet up every Friday. The food was quite good at Mikey's but wasn't really in the mood to drink and i think it was around 3 or 4 in the morning when i "redecorated" mike's pool area with my vomit. Think i had one too many tequila shots that night or it could have been the JD mixed with Jim Beam. Somehow or rather, well, it wasn't what i had in mind anyways.

This long drawn affair of celebrating my birthday just left me feeling more disillusioned about birthdays. I just realised that its been a freaking long time since i ever wanted anything real bad on my birthday (probably the last time was in pri sch) and nowadays, people just give me like 20bucks for my birthday and that's about it. So when the others got me stuff and all, i didn't really know how or what to react. I mean celebrating once was cool and all, but the constant redoing of it just disillusioned me and now I'm actually quite sick of it. Birthdays are meant to be days when you feel special, cause its you're day and all and people will be damn nice to you and get you stuff. But to me, it doesn't matter, cause if you want someone to feel special, you do it everyday and not just that one day a year. Presents are cool, but the time spent in the presence of good company is way cooler to me. It kinda sounds like i am not appreciative of the stuff that people did for me, but if they knew me well enough, they would have known that i am one that doesn't really care much for social events.

2008-05-12T19:06:00.003+08:00

Sat was kind of a surprise, but not really cause i already guessed it. But still, it was damn nice of them to throw me a "surprise" b'day dinner. They even got me presents which was abit extreme cause i don't even ask my folks for anything! But still, it was all damn power. Aaron,BJ,Sep,Tat,PY,Val,Adel and 0fcause Pk were there and it just felt damn good. Haha. They did try to surprise me, but hey, i am the master prankster ah, they cant fool me ok. Hahaha. But seriously though, it was a pleasant surprise to say the least.

Alright, i shall be all girly and post pics of what i got on sat. LOL. Pk got me earphones while Sep and bj got me the tshirt and val and adel got me the tie. Oh,PY got me a cap, but i left it in Adel's car. Oops, my bad. Haha. Almost forgot, sep and bj also made this apple pie thingy with a nice crust and some chocolate words on top of it, i think peeks has a pic of it. It looked and still tastes damn nice ah. Thanks everyone!!

Sat was awesome, then yst, watched Man Utd win the EPL title, and today, did quite well for the culi prac test ah. 79/100. Not bad at all for a guy with no kitchen experience. Haha. It has certainly been an eventful few days. Ofcause to top it of all, just now waited in sch till 4pm (i end at 1PM) for a certain miss pris and miss adel, to go amk and eat and we ended up talking about some of the most "interesting"stuff to say the least. Cant go into details cause, well Pk will chop my balls off la. hahahaha. Definitely a fun filled year so far balls, just keep the good times rolling cause the terrorist is having fun! LOL.

2008-05-10T17:00:00.003+08:00

Just a little something i wrote awhile back, during the hols and all.

What do you say when someone tells you that they do not miss you anymore? What can you say that no one else, in that situation, has said before? Your mind goes blank as you hear them speak and your mouth does not move because you do not know how to react because basically when someone says that they do not miss you anymore, you’re screwed. You feel the urge to say something, anything to make things better, but nothing feels right. So you say “I’m sorry” and you hope and pray that it works. But all that happens is that that someone walks away and you realize that “sorry” doesn’t cure everything.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel that you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, unsatisfied and barely getting along. But that feeling’s a lie, and if you just hold on and find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you to make it all ok, because we all need a little help sometimes. Someone to help us hear the music in the world, to remind us that it won’t always be that way, that someone is out there and that someone will find you.

2008-05-09T21:28:00.000+08:00

Oh man, what a tiring week. For the first time in god knows how fucking long, i actually fell asleep during lecture. Not once or twice,but EVERY DAY!!! Seriously damn shagged ah.But the good part is that gym and jogging have been restarted, so at least I'm keeping fit. Can't believe that its been 3weeks already, feels like yesterday when we first stepped into the kitchen. Its damn bloody awesome ah,especially when we need to like fry or roast stuff, so far, those things, I've done really good. But when it comes to soups and shit,that's where i suck, cause simply i hate those man. But whatever, enjoying, so that's cool.

Unfortunately though, because of the tiring schedule, i cant meet the boys for the usual drinking sessions and its like quite bastard ah. This week not going, then next week also not going cause we're all gonna go mike's place to "celebrate" randall's and my birthdays. Turning 19 has no effect whatsoever on me. Its like the rest of my birthdays, i simply cant be bothered la. Its just a number. haha. I could have been spending this 19th birthday in NS, but thankfully i made the right move in quitting school and coming poly. Part of my policy of having no regrets. Hahaha.

Oh yea, new song, its called "Good People" by Jack Johnson and some other guy i think. Another 'chill out' song. Just lepak only. LOL

2008-04-29T12:11:00.000+08:00

well, weekend was great. Soccer and driving. Enough to fulfill any 19yr old's weekend balls. Hahaha. Well, my test date isn't a 100% confirmed yet but its going to be around the 5-12 of august so plenty of time to prepare. Reversing the car seems to be the problem now,cause I've got the handling part of it all done already. So, another 12 pracs and i should be ready for the test. (I seriously hope so)

Of cause the main highlight was finally meeting up with peeks. Its like been forever balls. LOL. I think she missed me soooooo much she even wanted to go town with me! HAHAHAHAH. But we settled on AMK hub instead. Both lazy ah. haha. I had just played soccer and she just came from her granny's place i think. Then this morning also, we meet at ubi and take bus go school, just like good old times. Damn i miss them. Never mind, got every Monday to do this. Haha. Its just so relaxing to spend time with her sia, just lepak only. Haha. I really believe this friendship has blossomed over good times and bad times, that's why so long didn't talk,but still like close.

Anyway, was looking through my com and i remembered i did this for peeks awhile back and now that i actually read it, i think that lyrically, its a really touching song and i guess that's the reason why she loves it. This of cause contains just the English translation. The original one had Japanese ones as well. I never actually read it thoroughly but i just did and its really beautiful balls.

Nishikido Ryo - Code

Right now, the proof that you're one to two steps ahead of me,
Helps by breaking the growing silence.
You pretend to be amused listening to someone else's story,
But I want to continue seeing your smile so I swallow my words.
Yeah…

Am I naive for wanting more than I have now?
Are you going to suggest that I should be giving instead of receiving?
You can warn me that there is no such thing as forever,
But I want to shine with you,
Yeah…

I'll show you that I can protect every element that colors you.
I'll be by your side no matter what.
I will take away every little thing that saddens you,
So let this love last a little longer… this love… this love.

I built up my courage and said the words I could hold in no longer.
What was supposed to have been "I love you…
Subconsciously, the command from my brain was altered into my very own code.
Yeah…

One day, will I be able to tell you my feelings with confidence?
Will I be able to stay as someone you are proud to call your own.
With you beside me,
I feel like anything is possible.
I'll send you my love… my love.

I'll show you that I can protect every element that colors you.
I'll be by your side no matter what.
I will take away every little thing that saddens you.
So my unconditional love… my love… my love.
Yeah…

2008-04-27T00:50:00.000+08:00

ah yes, its been a week in the kitchen and so far, i gotta admit, it hasn't been that bad. I've not been late for school yet and the things we've learnt so far had been pretty alright. I mean, i am no fan of soups and stocks but hey its the base item for everything else we gonna learn, so must live through it. The whole french style their trying to teach isn't really what i expected to learn, but certain things like making tomato sauce and all, i wanna try out, then i can make my own pasta sauce and all. So overall, i gotta say that it has been worth the effort of getting up at 5am everyday.

Well, I've finally managed to go book my driving test date and its in arnd 3 1/2 months time. 6/8/08 to be exact. It feels good. No car yet, but that could all change, provided i pass and all. I have to say its been good news so far this year. Thoroughly enjoying life, to say the least.

OH,the food and hotel Asia show at expo on Thurs was fucking awesome balls. I mean all the food was just so sensual. The Italian "parma" ham was so silky smooth in your mouth and it had a decent saltish after taste, the fruit puree were so tasty, the ice cream were really good and there was just so much more ah! It really was worth the time there. Tried some pesto sauce which was really awesome and i really hope i can find that brand in NUTC or something, cause its just so finely done that the after taste is just fantastic.

Well, later gonna go driving and then maybe meet the boys for a drink or two whilst watching manu vs chelsea. Maybe even meet up with peeks and doggie,although I'm not sure exactly which day it is. Its like everyday becomes a busy day already. Tmr got soccer,then Mon go back school again. Haha, i'm a damn bust terrorist. LOL

2008-04-20T06:35:00.000+08:00

Well,it was certainly worth the effort getting up early in the morning and rushing to school for. Being an SL was definitely worth it. I didn't really get to know my class, but at least i think that this batch, they're abit more enthu and closer during orientation than my batch was. Of cause there were a couple of good looking girls, but way too young for me man. Hahaha. And jam n hop was cool too. WX had his groove on, despite insisting that he didn't feel like dancing and even more surprising was the fact that Yanti could move on the dance floor! Haha. OK,being an ass here, but for a girl that size, she sure can move balls. Haha. I gotta learn some of that man!

Once culi practical starts, i don't know if I'm gonna be excited or scared. I just went through all the stuff that they posted online and there is a heck load of info thrown in there. If we have to print it all and bring everyday,then we all gonna be in deep shit. I really wanna learn all that different cooking styles and stuff but if the whole uniforms must be totally ironed and all is gonna be a huge problem. 3 days of waking up at 5am and coming home after 11pm already took a toll on my body, i only woke up at 1.30pm today!! Cant afford to do that every week. Gotta become efficient man, no more wasting time unnecessarily. Even culi prac has its own projects and then when the entrepreneurship class starts I'm sure there will be a project there too. And most importantly,i gotta fit in 8hrs of sleep in there as well. Hahaha. Looks like its gonna be a very interesting first sem. Just hope can fit in the friends as well, the weekly drinks with the boys, the jogs with muks, meeting pk and the rest. If i can do all of that and walk out of TCA, still holding onto a 3.2 GPA, then i gotta say i did a fucking brilliant job. LOL!!

2008-04-16T13:47:00.000+08:00

Alright, have to keep up with the times nowadays. Getting old already and no one has much use for the "deadman", its "baby face terrorist" these days, hence the catchy blog name. Hahaha. Anyway, wrote this down awhile back, about JC life and all. No regrets there, just something which came into my head one day.

JC is a journey. It’s a small class and you have a very short amount of time with our classmates because JC life doesn’t allow for that social interaction. But through out those 2 years or so, you bond as a class. It’s like all of you are on the same river but on different boats. You travel together as a group; you have the same goal, which is to reach the end of the river. But along the way, people drop out because they really can’t row anymore or simply because they don’t want to row anymore. They see something on the shores of the river and they get enticed away. Then the already small group gets even smaller. And when that smaller group reaches the other side, there is a sense of unity and achievement among them because they managed to actually reach the other side and not drop out like others. Although JC life ends when you reach the other side of the river, the time spent rowing together and interacting is actually worth the effort spent to row. Once you reach the other side, everyone goes their own separate ways, but when they look back, they knew that the non educational things that they learned were well worth the time and effort put in. Its like a fellowship, each one has his/her own purpose, but whatever their path is, it leads through the river and so, they work together to cross it. Once that’s done, then they go on to their own goals. But they forever have that journey across the river as their own special memory, simply because it was done through hard work and only a small number of them undertake the journey in the first place.

Yup,that's about it for now. Hopefully I'll keep this more active than the last one. It had a sad death.Haha. Oh yea, the song's by Jack Johnson, called "Banana Pancakes". Seemed pretty appropriate considering the skin. LOL